…and does it matter?
I often think that I see things very differently from how others see them. I set different standards for myself (if “standards” is the right word) than I do for others.
On multiple occasions, I have wondered what people really thought of me. That, in itself, may not seem as different on the surface, but…
…before getting to that, I want to provide some background. We know that everybody dies at some point. People go through life’s journey, experiencing various levels of bliss and heartache, but when you’re gone, the only non-material thing you leave behind is a name and the reputation attached to that name.
So sometimes I wonder how my name and the attached reputation are perceived by people.
Where I think that my mind sometimes wanders beyond the normal thought patterns is that I have thought on a few occasions of what it would be like to fake my own death – like having to do that to go into witness protection – just to show up at my own funeral incognito and listen, or to check out social media sites and read. (See? Now you think I’m weird…)
If I were gone, what would people say? What emotions would they exhibit? Who would show up to the funeral? Who would speak?
At times, I have wondered whether I have contributed to the betterment of someone, anyone? Who loved me? Who hated me? Whose forgiveness should I have sought?
Would people appreciate my music, writings or art more? Has anyone ever been inspired or gotten some sort of emotion from listening to my music? How long would my artistic endeavors last? How long would the memories of me last? What stories might they remember the most?
What I really think is unfortunate is that we never really know. It’s not something that people really talk about often. Sometimes, you may get that rare bit of personal, honest feedback, but it’s just that – rare.
But I do wonder…