There is something I have thought about many times, especially over the past three years, but I don’t remember taking time to write it out. That requires more careful concentration and consideration, and it is not necessarily something I’ve felt a need to share previously, at least not publicly.
I have noticed a habit in which my mind seems to focus more time on friends I’ve lost instead of the wonderful friends still in my life. Maybe that’s a side effect (or cause, or trigger, or merely a correlation) of depression, but I can’t be certain.
This dwelling could be viewed in the positive light of self-reflection, especially if there are lessons to be gained. However, that dwelling can easily slip into negative ruminating, and far too often I think that’s where I end up, in a cliché-sounding but all-too-real “downward spiral.”
One of the positive lessons of the past three years has been the ability to recognize that feeling as something “else” rather than “just how I am.” That has not always been the case.
As we look at the upcoming date change on the calendar as a hopeful symbol of new beginnings, I hope to be able to shift my thinking.
The people who have been there for me in some of the toughest times of my life deserve that space in my mind. It’s not to forget the lessons of the past, but rather to cherish the present and the people who enrich my life by being trustworthy, kind, and loyal, even when I don’t feel deserving of any of it.
And to those people, thank you.
May your 2018 be filled with love and success. Thanks for reading. Happy new year!