I don’t know what I’m doing

Hi. If you’re a regular reader or subscriber to this blog (if not, please subscribe – it’ll make my heart flutter), you’ll know that sometimes I write up blog posts just because I’m thinking about something and want to get my words out. I also tend to harp on “authenticity.” In other words, this is one of those. Or both of those? We’ll see.

Cue: stream of consciousness

There are some things going on behind the scenes at Josh Carples headquarters, which sounds fancier than “in my life.” Don’t be alarmed – although I’m total #sadboi when it comes to my solo music, and I’ve blogged a decent bit about depression over the past five-plus years, it’s actually some good things.

Not to jinx anything, but I might have good news to share at some point. (Ooh, intriguing…) That could always change, but who knows, right?

So anyway, within this vague stuff that I’m vaguely referring to, some of it is a bit scary for me. I dunno, thinking of the potential or whatever. But it might be really good.

And that brought me to hitting up the ol’ Google machine for info, where I proceeded to type “What to do when you don’t know what you’re doing?”

That does bring up some articles, some of which I read, some of which actually probably had some good things in it. It didn’t really help the specifics of my vague (sorry…) situation though.

But I’m trying to do something different, I guess. For me, anyway. Somewhat out of the ordinary. Because, really, why not?

It’s kinda scary, maybe a bit terrifying, but I’m trying to lean into it, instead of running away. I keep trying to remind myself that “surely others have been in a similar situation” and the whole “what’s the worst that could happen?” which, admittedly, is probably the worst possible thing to ask in 2020. I literally just said out loud “I don’t even want to type that” but then I thought it’d be less authentic if I left it out at this point, so maybe I should just provide an explanation. [Insert shrug emoji here.] Hashtag authenticity, amirite?

Me, not knowing what I’m doing.

But really, I have no idea what I’m doing. And that’s OK. And I guess that’s the main thing to get out of this.

Be you. Be real. Be authentic. It’s OK to not know what you’re doing. It’s even OK to not be OK. It happens.

(Yes, it’s hard for me to take my own damn advice many times, but still…)

Thanks for reading. Much love.

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Margarita. In memoriam.

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